Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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