No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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