One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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