Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
