There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
