how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
