i just had sex bonerless
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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