I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
