My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
