just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
