Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
