I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
