so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
