haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
