i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
