Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
