As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
