After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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