then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
