I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
