Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
