I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
