He had one of those small greek statue penises
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
