i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
