I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
