Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
