I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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