At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
