3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cannot find my penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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