You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
