i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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