I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize