You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
