those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
