You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
