Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
