saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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