He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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