Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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