One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
