we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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