Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
