How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
