Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
