i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
