I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
