you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
