My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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