Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
