you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
