This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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