she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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