I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
