Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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