tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
