Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
