Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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