At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
