Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
