You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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