There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His nipple licking is glorious
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