apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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