I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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