dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
