I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
did you just send me my own nude
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
