ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
