I didn't shave. On purpose
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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