i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
