I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
