I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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